Reflections Over Two Years
When I look back over the last two years. I have some strong emotions and some battle scars, but I am better for it. There is a song called "Pulling Me Through" that I can relate to. Losing a job in the economy is not unheard of. To try to end someone's influence and ministry is just plain mean. There were things said that shouldn't have been said. Implying that I did something to deserve what I got from people I thought would have my back. It turns out they didn't. People I had worked side by side with, I never heard from them. Some of them I helped when life turned on them. That's OK, It hurt, but I talked to God about it on my knees as I cried during those early days.
August 31, 2010 when the day was over with I came home and made some calls to Division of Rehab, to some other people. Not looking for sympathy as some had suggested, but to start life again and let people know what was going on. I went to class and almost fell down the steps. I guess I was more upset than I realized. I told my teacher what had happened. When I got home, my Matt was here and a package we had ordered came in and we paid for it. Then we went to his mom's house. I had called my dad and he asked if I was OK. Sharon had called him and told him what happened. We were kind of in shock and amazed on how God handled the whole thing. When I got home that night I thought about an old Fleetwood Mac song that Stevie Nicks wrote called "Gold Dust Woman", there is nothing spiritual about this song but the words fit; "Did he make you cry, make you break down, shatter your illusions of love. Is it over now? Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go on?"
At that point " didn't know how to pick up the pieces and go on. I knew that the next day I had two appointments at Workforce. One I had set up and the other Sharon had set up. She had set up the appointment on how to file unemployment, with someone who was a listener and would hold my hand through the process. I had worked full-time since I was twenty. I had no idea how to do this. I had heard horror stories about this. I got all kinds of calls at home over the next few days, it was hard to deal with. I went to the store and saw people some of them avoided me and others asked if anything could be done. I said no that Gods will had been done.
That Thursday morning, I got up with Matt and when he left I started cleaning house with a vengence. Nothing was safe. I even moved furniture. I used to stress eat now I stress clean, drapes got washed, new curtains were pulled out and hung, windows were washed, blinds were cleaned. When Matt got home he didn't know what to think. The next day I got on the phone and tried to figure out how to get my meds. I am diabetic and I had to get my meds. The weekend came and I had a meeting with my pastor and Matt had a conversation with his dad who told him to watch out for signs of depression and all that goes with it. I think people thought that I would lose my mind. Meanwhile, I was praying and trying to pray for my enemies and I told the Lord what they had done and His reply was "They did that to me too, but they didn't hit you or put any marks on you, did they?" WOW. So I just had to suck up and deal with it and do what He said do.
Even though I had accepted what happened there were days where I was depressed. I was up in my office and I heard something and I knew that it was God's pressence, as well as my mother saying, "Don't worry everything will be alright, that job was not your source, Jesus is, if they want the job that bad let them have it." In other words don't fight it. I didn't. It hurts to think that is the last job I might ever have. I don't want that to happen. God knows all about it. Five months later I was able to get my Social Security disability and I can stay home. It was quite an adjustment. I remember the first big snow we had, I got up and started Matt's coffee, opened the curtains and began to praise God. Matt said what in the world and I said its snowing and I get to stay home. I have had many moments like that since then, like June 29th, whenever there is a storm or a weather situation, power outage, I am thankful that I don't have to worry about things anymore. I can just sit home and relax.
The biggest thing I have learned over the past two years is that "DO NOT PUT YOUR TRUST OR HOPES IN ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT HAVE ETERNALVALUE" I had to stress this because many of us fall into traps of letting a job define who and what you are. I am ministering in different ways, now and God will open up other opportunities in His time when I am healed and ready.
August 31, 2010 when the day was over with I came home and made some calls to Division of Rehab, to some other people. Not looking for sympathy as some had suggested, but to start life again and let people know what was going on. I went to class and almost fell down the steps. I guess I was more upset than I realized. I told my teacher what had happened. When I got home, my Matt was here and a package we had ordered came in and we paid for it. Then we went to his mom's house. I had called my dad and he asked if I was OK. Sharon had called him and told him what happened. We were kind of in shock and amazed on how God handled the whole thing. When I got home that night I thought about an old Fleetwood Mac song that Stevie Nicks wrote called "Gold Dust Woman", there is nothing spiritual about this song but the words fit; "Did he make you cry, make you break down, shatter your illusions of love. Is it over now? Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go on?"
At that point " didn't know how to pick up the pieces and go on. I knew that the next day I had two appointments at Workforce. One I had set up and the other Sharon had set up. She had set up the appointment on how to file unemployment, with someone who was a listener and would hold my hand through the process. I had worked full-time since I was twenty. I had no idea how to do this. I had heard horror stories about this. I got all kinds of calls at home over the next few days, it was hard to deal with. I went to the store and saw people some of them avoided me and others asked if anything could be done. I said no that Gods will had been done.
That Thursday morning, I got up with Matt and when he left I started cleaning house with a vengence. Nothing was safe. I even moved furniture. I used to stress eat now I stress clean, drapes got washed, new curtains were pulled out and hung, windows were washed, blinds were cleaned. When Matt got home he didn't know what to think. The next day I got on the phone and tried to figure out how to get my meds. I am diabetic and I had to get my meds. The weekend came and I had a meeting with my pastor and Matt had a conversation with his dad who told him to watch out for signs of depression and all that goes with it. I think people thought that I would lose my mind. Meanwhile, I was praying and trying to pray for my enemies and I told the Lord what they had done and His reply was "They did that to me too, but they didn't hit you or put any marks on you, did they?" WOW. So I just had to suck up and deal with it and do what He said do.
Even though I had accepted what happened there were days where I was depressed. I was up in my office and I heard something and I knew that it was God's pressence, as well as my mother saying, "Don't worry everything will be alright, that job was not your source, Jesus is, if they want the job that bad let them have it." In other words don't fight it. I didn't. It hurts to think that is the last job I might ever have. I don't want that to happen. God knows all about it. Five months later I was able to get my Social Security disability and I can stay home. It was quite an adjustment. I remember the first big snow we had, I got up and started Matt's coffee, opened the curtains and began to praise God. Matt said what in the world and I said its snowing and I get to stay home. I have had many moments like that since then, like June 29th, whenever there is a storm or a weather situation, power outage, I am thankful that I don't have to worry about things anymore. I can just sit home and relax.
The biggest thing I have learned over the past two years is that "DO NOT PUT YOUR TRUST OR HOPES IN ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT HAVE ETERNALVALUE" I had to stress this because many of us fall into traps of letting a job define who and what you are. I am ministering in different ways, now and God will open up other opportunities in His time when I am healed and ready.
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