Struggling
In the last few months I have had my struggles. With depression, bought on by medication. One of the really bad side effects. With my purpose in life. With what God has promised me that He would prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. People have prophesied over me that "my setback was to set me up for a come back." All I have been asking lately is when. I have been waiting for two years and, I have been through so much.
I was looking at TD Jakes the other morning, and he said sometime that really ministered to me. You know how sometime you don't fit in with other people. It is not that you don't play well with others, it that you can't do what other people do. There are places that you can't go and things that God won't allow you to do. It gets hard and you get lonely and you wonder why you can't fit in. Jakes said that "God didn't design you to fit in, God designed you to stand out, to be an outcast for the plans He had for you." WOW!!! Nobody wants to be an outcast, but God has call special people to do His work. I feel like I am an outcast, some people get all of the breaks, things come to them easy. I have to scratch and fight for just crumbs, that others have.
I recently realized that I was in a rut. Since I haven't worked in a while, my routine is the same. I get up with Matt, sometimes I go back to bed, or lay on the couch in the TV room, listen to or watch Jakes, James Robinson, Joyce Meyer, the 700 club and Gilmore Girls. By then the morning is shot, it is noon and some days I haven't accomplished a thing, including getting myself dressed. This is not me. I remember the days right after I lost my job, I would get up and work on schoolwork, determined not to get depressed or down and I didn't. I have noticed me getting sloppy with my appearence as well. I haven't resorted to sweatpants each day, but it is a constant struggle to keep my appearence up. I have clothes that I used to wear to work, I wear some of them to school, but some of them are a little overdressed for school. I mentioned needing to work somewhere part time for the reasons I mentioned before. To get out of this rut.
I remember talking to God asking when is it going to be my turn? I ask questions, I am greatful for some of the days I can stay around the house and take care of things, but I have days when I need to be needed. I have talents and gifts that someone could use. My mom had taught us to be able to take care of ourselves to "Trust in the Lord and do what is right". I have watched injustices done to me and my sister and ask when it is our turn to be vindicated. We don't take revenge on people because God said "vengence is Mine, I will repay." I am just waiting. I like that song called "While I'm Waiting" from the movie "Fireproof:". Waiting is hard and at times discouraging. In this I am reminded of the story of Joseph, he went from prison to prime minister of Egypt in just a few hours. There is nothing like God's timing. Just pray for me as I struggle to wait for the gold.
I was looking at TD Jakes the other morning, and he said sometime that really ministered to me. You know how sometime you don't fit in with other people. It is not that you don't play well with others, it that you can't do what other people do. There are places that you can't go and things that God won't allow you to do. It gets hard and you get lonely and you wonder why you can't fit in. Jakes said that "God didn't design you to fit in, God designed you to stand out, to be an outcast for the plans He had for you." WOW!!! Nobody wants to be an outcast, but God has call special people to do His work. I feel like I am an outcast, some people get all of the breaks, things come to them easy. I have to scratch and fight for just crumbs, that others have.
I recently realized that I was in a rut. Since I haven't worked in a while, my routine is the same. I get up with Matt, sometimes I go back to bed, or lay on the couch in the TV room, listen to or watch Jakes, James Robinson, Joyce Meyer, the 700 club and Gilmore Girls. By then the morning is shot, it is noon and some days I haven't accomplished a thing, including getting myself dressed. This is not me. I remember the days right after I lost my job, I would get up and work on schoolwork, determined not to get depressed or down and I didn't. I have noticed me getting sloppy with my appearence as well. I haven't resorted to sweatpants each day, but it is a constant struggle to keep my appearence up. I have clothes that I used to wear to work, I wear some of them to school, but some of them are a little overdressed for school. I mentioned needing to work somewhere part time for the reasons I mentioned before. To get out of this rut.
I remember talking to God asking when is it going to be my turn? I ask questions, I am greatful for some of the days I can stay around the house and take care of things, but I have days when I need to be needed. I have talents and gifts that someone could use. My mom had taught us to be able to take care of ourselves to "Trust in the Lord and do what is right". I have watched injustices done to me and my sister and ask when it is our turn to be vindicated. We don't take revenge on people because God said "vengence is Mine, I will repay." I am just waiting. I like that song called "While I'm Waiting" from the movie "Fireproof:". Waiting is hard and at times discouraging. In this I am reminded of the story of Joseph, he went from prison to prime minister of Egypt in just a few hours. There is nothing like God's timing. Just pray for me as I struggle to wait for the gold.
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