Whats going On ????
Recently I have noticed some things about myself. I don't like to travel much, in fact some days I don't like leaving home. Some days I don't even leave the house and I wonder what in the world is going on with me. Someone said that is a sign of getting older, but I know some spunky 80 year olds that travel all of the time. Take a person like Emma Jean Barnes and a few others who have been everywhere on mission trips. I have to admire someone who can do that. So what is going on? I wrestled with this on yesterday and here are some conclusions that I have come up with.
This started happening about three years ago when I lost my job. I got tired of explaining to people what happened. I was embossed, so I begin to stay in and do schoolwork. I would go to class and come home. I didn't have to leave the house , except to go to the store. I didn't have to leave the house to shop. I could order from QVC and they bring it right to the door. I had contact with the outside world through school, and the internet. I have been sort of like this anyway preferring to keep to myself, than to try to fit in with what people think I should be. My dad used to quote one of my favorite scripture Psalms 46:1 God is my refuge and strength, and a very present help in the time of trouble. He changed the words, because I was so much of a hermit "My room is my refugee and strength and a very present help in the time of trouble. Which is true to a certain extent. Now it is my home is a source of refuge. When I went into the ministry, I was afraid that someone would ask me to come and speak, now I don't worry about that so much. The reason why I was concerned about that is the way I minister, I am more of a teacher, I love teaching Gods Word, I like to see people get the connection , when the light bulb comes on. People around here don't like teaching, they like a lot of hard preaching. My mom always told me to be myself. My pastor told me when I feel the anointing leaving to wrap things up. I struggle with this constantly, the feeling I am not spiritual enough to be a good minister. So I tend to stay at home.
It is not that I am anti social. I just don't know what to expect half of the time. Years ago, when WJLS was on the go, I made lots of personal appearances. I was a little uncertain, but I could play a part. I could reach back inside of myself and through the Holy Spirit, I could force myself to do the MC work and all of that The personal appearances are gone. I am not invited anywhere to do anything. Last year, I was talking to Virginia Jefferson and she was telling me, I needed to get out of the house more. She was right, so she made it her mission to make sure I went to things. It was fun, to have something to look forward to. I went to the Igniting New Life conventions and enjoyed myself very much and I begin to think that I could get out more and do the things that God is calling me to do. The other thing is I don't drive, my eyesight won't allow me to drive, so I have to rely on others. Sometimes people are funny about giving you a ride and then the questions about why doesn't your husband take you? He does, but we have different interests on some things. I like to go to concerts , conferences ect. He doesn't. That's just the way it is and I have accepted that.
Another reason why I don't like to travel is that people drive crazy. I can't control how people drive, I just don't want to be in an accident. I used to grab a bag and load up on a bus or with friends and go places. I went places with the church and every where. I guess with me being diabetic, I need to worry about my blood sugar getting to high or dropping. Things like when and where can I eat have a factor in staying close to home as well. When you travel with people, you have to pack a snack, and you can't exactly stop anywhere to eat. Now I guess I am getting to the bottom of things health issues is maybe what make traveling at times difficult. Lately when I have went to visit different people, my in laws in Tennessee and an iold friend from the church we all used to attend I found a welcoming environment and was treated very well. Maybe in order to get over this dread, I may need to do more traveling. Who knows I might have a good time.
This started happening about three years ago when I lost my job. I got tired of explaining to people what happened. I was embossed, so I begin to stay in and do schoolwork. I would go to class and come home. I didn't have to leave the house , except to go to the store. I didn't have to leave the house to shop. I could order from QVC and they bring it right to the door. I had contact with the outside world through school, and the internet. I have been sort of like this anyway preferring to keep to myself, than to try to fit in with what people think I should be. My dad used to quote one of my favorite scripture Psalms 46:1 God is my refuge and strength, and a very present help in the time of trouble. He changed the words, because I was so much of a hermit "My room is my refugee and strength and a very present help in the time of trouble. Which is true to a certain extent. Now it is my home is a source of refuge. When I went into the ministry, I was afraid that someone would ask me to come and speak, now I don't worry about that so much. The reason why I was concerned about that is the way I minister, I am more of a teacher, I love teaching Gods Word, I like to see people get the connection , when the light bulb comes on. People around here don't like teaching, they like a lot of hard preaching. My mom always told me to be myself. My pastor told me when I feel the anointing leaving to wrap things up. I struggle with this constantly, the feeling I am not spiritual enough to be a good minister. So I tend to stay at home.
It is not that I am anti social. I just don't know what to expect half of the time. Years ago, when WJLS was on the go, I made lots of personal appearances. I was a little uncertain, but I could play a part. I could reach back inside of myself and through the Holy Spirit, I could force myself to do the MC work and all of that The personal appearances are gone. I am not invited anywhere to do anything. Last year, I was talking to Virginia Jefferson and she was telling me, I needed to get out of the house more. She was right, so she made it her mission to make sure I went to things. It was fun, to have something to look forward to. I went to the Igniting New Life conventions and enjoyed myself very much and I begin to think that I could get out more and do the things that God is calling me to do. The other thing is I don't drive, my eyesight won't allow me to drive, so I have to rely on others. Sometimes people are funny about giving you a ride and then the questions about why doesn't your husband take you? He does, but we have different interests on some things. I like to go to concerts , conferences ect. He doesn't. That's just the way it is and I have accepted that.
Another reason why I don't like to travel is that people drive crazy. I can't control how people drive, I just don't want to be in an accident. I used to grab a bag and load up on a bus or with friends and go places. I went places with the church and every where. I guess with me being diabetic, I need to worry about my blood sugar getting to high or dropping. Things like when and where can I eat have a factor in staying close to home as well. When you travel with people, you have to pack a snack, and you can't exactly stop anywhere to eat. Now I guess I am getting to the bottom of things health issues is maybe what make traveling at times difficult. Lately when I have went to visit different people, my in laws in Tennessee and an iold friend from the church we all used to attend I found a welcoming environment and was treated very well. Maybe in order to get over this dread, I may need to do more traveling. Who knows I might have a good time.
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